Infantile tantrums What are they?
Children’s tantrums are and are part of the correct and normal development of our children and although they may frustrate us and make us uncomfortable, tantrums are essential for the evolution of their personalities.. That is why it is essential that we understand why they occur, how to try to prevent them and how to act when our child suddenly enters into one of his tantrums.
What can cause a tantrum?
The causes of tantrums can be several:
- A basic unmet need such as being hungry, sleepy or tired. A tired, sleepy or hungry child is an irritable child, anything can upset him enough for him to show his displeasure with all his being.
- Not being able to get everything they want.
- Not being able to express everything they wanted to.
- A growing need for independence and autonomy.
Around 18 months, more or less, we will begin to see how our little angel begins to show behaviors of externalization of anger, impatience, negativism or stubbornness that are reflected in various forms or ways, although the most characteristic are the explosive crying, tantrums on the floor dropping or throwing themselves, accompanied by shouts such as: “noooo“, “I don’t want!”, “bad!”or similar phrases. Those of you who have children of this age know perfectly well what I mean because you have probably suffered them on more than one occasion.
These behaviors, which at first disturb us and then tire us out, are absolutely normal and common in children between 2 and 4 years of age, although they can last up to 5 or 6 years of age.
When do they appear and why do they occur?
Have you ever wondered what happened to your baby, so docile, so obedient, so… that suddenly, when faced with any refusal, he started to behave in a way you didn’t expect: he threw himself on the floor, started screaming and kicking? Yes, he had his first tantrum.
At around 2 years of age, our child is discovering his own self and his ability to communicate what he wants to others, the problem is that he usually cannot do everything he wants, nor can he express himself adequately, since at this age he is capable of understanding much more than he can express.
Due to the great frustration of not being able to have everything he wants and not being able to express it verbally, due to lack of language skills, he resorts to tantrums to externalize his great anger in some way. As their language skills improve, tantrums will tend to decrease.
Let us remember that at this age, crises of opposition are normal, with their “no”, “mine, mine” and therefore tantrums are nothing more than the expression of their emerging self and the need to assert their own individuality.
Who hasn’t been disconcerted when their child, who was apparently calm, suddenly, as if someone had pressed a spring in his head, explodes with rage? And of course, we ask ourselves, what happens now?
Another aspect that young children face and that causes them great frustration is a growing need for autonomy. Toddlers want to be more and more independent and in control of their environment. They start with, “I’m on my own,” “No, not you,” or “I want that.” And when they discover that they can’t do everything they want or have everything they want? we have all the ingredients for a tantrum.
When will my child stop having tantrums?
The stage of tantrums is a passing stage, with time they will cease and will become less and less frequent. It is just another stage in the development of our children that every child will have to go through. Let us understand that it is a phase that indicates the formation of their own self, of their personality.
The key to their frequency, intensity and duration is how we handle them, that is to say, how the child takes advantage of his tantrum or, in other words, how he uses them to influence us or to achieve certain things.
If children see that their tantrums are not capable of making us change our minds or manipulate us, they will disappear as they see that they have no effect on us. But above all, they will fade away as our children learn to tolerate frustration and to express better with words what until now they could only express by kicking.
In relation to this last point it is very important to help and encourage, from a very young age, to identify their own emotions and to express them verbally. When our child is about 3 years old, we can begin to teach him to express his feelings with words (“You are angry because…”).
We must teach children that anger is normal, but that it must be expressed in the appropriate way.
So, patience and tranquility are the keys to overcome this stage that all children go through. And for them we have to be aware that we are the adults and that we have to help them without giving in to their requests or ignoring the situation and leaving them alone in this unpleasant moment, both for them and for us. Don’t forget that they don’t like to cry, kick, scream, throw themselves on the floor… but sometimes they don’t know how to deal with their parents’ “no”. So, once the “moment” has passed, try to make them understand that you can’t always do everything you want and that this is not a bad thing, there are many things that they have and can be fun. It is important to show them and play whenever possible. This is all they really want and need!!!”
Sandra Gisbert Mendiola
CEI Hormiguitas Educator
